It was about 4am on what was supposed to be a beautiful California Sunday morning. I woke up for a quick visit to the little room and as I looked down, what I saw gave me a horrible fright. It was a scarlet site that would change the trajectory of my life for ever. My off pitch scream was not the regular blend of soprano, alto and tenor sitting together perfectly in a soothing symphony but rather one that scared my husband running out of sleep to my aid. I cannot recall the drive to the hospital that cold morning but stamped in my memory is the quick response from the ER team as they gave me priority over others in an attempt to save the 5 month old baby I was incubating. As I lay on that ER bed with my husband hoping for the best, for once in my Christian life, I could not find the words to talk to my Heavenly Father. The Dr walked into the room and in a perfectly trained tone and neutral expression gave me my verdict. ‘ Ma’am I am sorry but we will have to let this child go, there is nothing we can do at this point. Although the baby is still alive, your water is all gone’. I was immediately numb and lay there with a blank stare on my face. After the Dr left the room, my husband held my hands and began to pray. Shortly thereafter, after inducing labor, I came face to face with my lifeless Caleb. As a newly married young couple, in all our confusion, we went with the hospital’s suggestion to cremate our son.

Two days later, I was back home with a deep feeling of emptiness. It was a gut wrenching pain that left me ready to begin the journey of my life. In this very space and time, Anita the warrior was born. The songwriter arose out of these cremated remains with a prophetic song that would tour the world and bring healing and deliverance to many that were beaten by life.
To be continued …

This Mother’s Day, while we celebrate the gift of motherhood, there are many who like me struggled and paid a painful price to become mothers. Some have buried children like me while others died trying to have children. Some never conceived while others lost their children through miscarriages. Some of you have lost grown up children. Whatever your situation as a mother, you may be reliving the pain today while others celebrate. Maybe you have lost some other dream that you were carrying  in the womb of your soul. You may feel like no one understands but I want you to know that the God who brought me through understands. I stand to testify today of how He gave me beauty for ashes. I pray that You will allow our loving father to heal you and use you to be a blessing to others as he has done with me. Stay strong and know that there is always light at the end of the tunnel. If you need prayer to help you along the path to your healing do not hesitate to inbox me. This Mother’s Day, God has an assignment for you, he wants to use you to be a mother to those who need someone to hold their hands. Sending lots of love your way. 💕💕💕

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